“Should you attempt the Simpson Desert crossing by motorcycle?”

Let me provide some perspective to this question.  I was 51, 125 kg, with virtually zero sand riding experience and a crazy idea of crossing the largest parallel dune desert in the world in one of the most remote locations in Australia, the Simpson Desert.  Approximately five hundred kilometres from Mt Dare to Birdsville via the French and QAA line, climbing 1100 sand dunes to complete the journey.

Was this even possible for a novice adventure motorcyclist? In short yes, however it was the most challenging ride of my life, with thoughts of quitting from day one in the desert. I’m getting ahead of myself though, let’s rewind twelve months to where the idea was first conceived…

It was my first night at the 2021 RideADV Tenere Rally in Wauchope . I had just ridden my Tenere 700 over 2000 km to the start of the Rally.

RideADV owner Greg ‘Trail Boss’ Yager and I were chatting about the event when I expressed the notion of one day attempting to cross the Simpson Desert.  Greg encouraged me to have a crack, but not on the Tenere.

“Buy yourself a WR250R and do it on that,” announced Greg.

I thought to myself Greg mustn’t be wearing his glasses, I’m 120+kg and surely a 250 cc would barely get me out of the driveway let alone over a sand dune.

‘Yeah I reckon I’m a bit big for a 250 Greg,’ I replied.

Now Greg isn’t a small human, and often jokes that he’s ‘in shape – as round is a shape.’

To my doubts Greg simple replied, “I did a double crossing unsupported on one.”

Well there goes my excuse.  That night I think about the crazy notion of attempting this and decided I had four problems to solve: I don’t have a suitable bike, I’m overweight and unfit, I have no sand riding experience and, I need a back-up vehicle.

As soon as I returned to Adelaide from the Wauchope Rally I began researching lightweight bikes for the Simpson and the same two bikes kept popping up as great sand steeds; the Yamaha WR250R and the Suzuki DRZ400.

COVID has seen a huge spike in demand for all things adventure – 4WDs, caravans and dual-sport bikes.  Pickings were slim and bikes that did appear all bore a significant ‘Covid Tax’ and even they were snapped up quickly.

As luck would have it a wanted post on the South Australia Adventure Bike Riders Facebook page resulted in a private message from a member thinking of selling their Yamaha WR250R.

I arranged to see the bike the next day and other than a very interesting multicoloured graphics kit, the bike was perfect.

Safari tank, bark busters, heated grips, taller screen and upgraded suspension.  Money quickly exchanged hands (well via direct deposit actually), and I was on my way home to the Barossa Valley via the motorway.

Problem one solved – A suitable bike.

Less that fifteen minutes of attempting to do 110 km/h on the motorway later, sitting on what felt like 15,000 rpm, I was thinking, ‘What have I done!?’

The little WR then sat in my garage for six months, neglected, as the Tenere 700 was clearly my favourite child.  In January I received a call from a good mate of mine, Norri.  “Hey Batts, remember I mentioned I’m thinking of taking my Ranger across the Simpson, well we are leaving end of April, are you keen?”

Problem two solved – Back-up vehicle acquired!

I had been gradually accumulating weight during COVID (hadn’t we all) with the scales tipping north of 125 kg.  Fast food, bakery treats, the odd pub meal and sugar infused cocktails had worked their way into my regular diet.

My fitness was non-existent and I was puffing just rolling the bike out of the garage let alone attempting a 3000 km round trip through the Simpson.

Twelve weeks later after eliminating the above treats from my diet and spending five hours a week in the gym, the scales tell me I’ve shed fifteen kilos.  While I’m not exactly swimsuit material, the bike shouldn’t groan when I sit on her.

It’s been over six months since I bought the WR250R, and I haven’t ridden on any trails, dirt or sand.  To be honest I’d only ridden her 20 km and that was to get a service and have some racks fitted.

A couple of Barossa guys messaged me about an upcoming four day ride to Pheeney and I was assured there would be plenty of sand out that way.

It was a tough four days, but the little bike was so confidence inspiring. I started to learn how to ride a dirt bike and found myself actually enjoying the sand – something I NEVER thought I’d utter.

Still, we probably only totalled 50 km of sand and crested maybe ten sand dunes – hardly enough preparation for a Simpson Desert crossing, but I’ll take it!

Problem 4, not exactly solved… but I now had a taste of sand.

Excuses now dissolved and planning complete.  Here is the challenge:

Seven to nine days, a 3000 km loop travelling from the Barossa Valley in South Australia up to Marree, follow the Oodnadatta Track to Mt Dare and then east across the Simpson via the French and WAA Lines. Then a straight shot down the Birdsville Track and home.

Twelve months ago I completed the Long Way to Wauchope Tenere Rally , and posted images of my travels on Facebook along the way.  I was surprised by the amount of comments and encouragement I received from the Adventure Motorcycle community and how many times my photos were viewed.

You can check out the full Wauchope Rally series here at MCNews.com.au starting with part one: The Long Way to Wauchope | Part 1 | Buying a T7 & Setting Off Or see all 12 parts here (link).

I knew I was going to document my Simpson crossing attempt, and it would be a great opportunity to raise awareness for a couple of important organisations – Endometriosis Australia and Gotcha4Life .

My 21 year old daughter Sarah suffers from “Endo” which is a truly debilitating disease and effects over 800,000 women in Australia.  At this point there is no known cure and women tend to suffer on average 6.5 years with the disease prior to diagnosis.

I also noticed through my adventure rides how many guys would openly discuss their love of riding and how it has helped them with their struggle with depression or when they were in a dark place.

Gotcha4Life provides education programs to communities to assist with mental fitness, educating on why it is so important to reach out and have-a-chat with a mate.  Why is this so important?  Suicide is the leading cause of death in Australians aged 15-44.

My mission wasn’t so much about fundraising, more raising awareness.  I figured if only one in ten people that saw my photos Googled these causes it’s a great win.

Timing was perfect as Jeff from DMK Designs reached out to me and offered to design up some graphics for my WR for the Simpson attempt.  Jeff had designed and fitted my graphics for the T7, so I jumped at the offer.  Less than a week later the graphics were express posted to my door – cheers mate!

Speaking of support, Trevor from MCNews.com.au also offered support for my venture which helped with preparation and in increasing awareness for Endometriosis Australia and Gotcha4Life .

Final preparations were made with new desert appropriate tyres ordered.  I settled for a Dunlop 606 rear and Michelin Tracker for the front.  I have never fitted tyres in my life, nor have I attempted a roadside repair on tube tyres.

Apparently there are no motorcycle tyre repair shops in the desert so I needed to learn to do this myself.  One quick call to Mick from Moculta, and he offered to come and assist/tutor me on fitting tyres.

The results?  Let’s just say if I was stuck in the middle of nowhere I could do it myself with a significant quota of cursing. However I’ll never choose to do it myself, given an alternative.  As KFC says, TAKE MY MONEY!

With departure date only five days away, news breaks that heavy rains and floodwater have hit northern South Australia. The Oodnadatta Track was closed with vehicles stranded at William Creek.

The Birdsville Track was closed near Mungeranie and 48 hours later they closed the Simpson crossing.  My heart sank as it appeared months of preparations had been for nothing. Rumours swirled that these tracks could be closed for weeks.

Rescheduling wasn’t going to be easy as I was reliant on a backup vehicle and we had to rebook and get approval for our holidays, if and when, the tracks re-opened. Thankfully the desert gods were smiling on us as it turned out and two weekends later we are ready to depart.

The plan was to depart the Barossa Valley at 6 am, an hour prior to the 4WDs, and meet up somewhere between the Flinders Ranges and Marree.  I knew the 4WDs could set their cruise control on 110 km/h and listen to some Country Western music while nestled in their heated seats.

The WR250R on the other hand would be happier buzzing along at 95-100km/h and I’d more than likely need a break every hour or so.

I cannot explain my nervous excitement as the WR and I left the driveway to attempt a challenge I have dreamt about for decades.  The weather attempted to dampen my enthusiasm, literally, as heavy rain drenched me for the first two hours to Clare.

I forgot to mention I also have a trusty co-pilot ‘Have-A-Chat’ possum puppet strapped to the front of the bike as a conversation piece.

The WR was humming along well, with ergonomics surprisingly suited to someone six foot tall and still tipping the scales at over one hundred kegs.  The addition of a removeable gel seat topper made a huge difference and heated grips were worth their weight in gold.

The aftermarket windscreen was keeping wind off my chest and the addition of the Zumo GPS from my Tenere was keeping me entertained.

The cold, rain and rest stops eventually slowed me and the 4WDs caught me at Hawker, so it was great chance to regroup and chat about the journey ahead.

With the Flinders Ranges on our right, we continue north towards Marree and I couldn’t wait for the bitumen to end.  The WR was not complaining, and even though it felt like she was revving at 15,000 rpm, I was able to settle into a GPS calibrated 100 km/h.  That 274 km stretch to Marree seemed to take forever as I caught myself counting down the kilometres in blocks of five.

We had planned to camp somewhere along the Oodnadatta Track and it was simply a matter of how far we could travel while leaving ourselves enough daylight to set up camp and start a fire.

A quick fuel stop at Marree with the mandatory photos at the Oodnadatta Track sign and the long awaited dirt was upon us.  It is almost irrelevant trying to explain or describe the condition of the Track as it is completely dependent on weather.

The track had recently been graded following the heavy rain and for the most part resembled a dirt highway.  There was the occasional coned off section of mud and deep ruts where vehicles had been swallowed up to their axles, but these were easily avoided.

Approximately thirty-minutes down the track an announcement came over the UHF, “I’ve found the spot.”  We followed some tracks off the main road and found a clear sandy spot with a pre-made stone fire pit – winning!

Mick and Norri had brought camp stretchers to get their deluxe swags off the ground – cheating if you ask me.  I had settled for a two man tent, Exped down-insulated inflatable mattress, down blanket and a super compact memory foam pillow.  If you are a bigger guy like me and not fond of wrestling with a mummy sleeping bag, the above is a great option.

We gathered around the fire, hydrated with appropriate beverages and asked ourselves why we didn’t do this more often.  It was a crystal clear night with our camp-site illuminated by a full moon that simply cannot be described.  With the most boring road section of the adventure behind us, I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

Also check out Endometriosis Australia and Gotcha4Life if you’re interested.

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